I learned a valuable lesson today, at some point while I wasn't paying attention, I learned how to make good friends. I sat this morning with a friend who has recently come back into my life in an odd way. We have lived a few miles from one another for years but finally touched base again by FaceBook. We've been catching up a little at a time as there has been time but this morning must have been the day where we both needed one another.
I came down the stairs telling her about my upcoming surgery and she offered to help me. I said I would let her know what I needed and she turned and looked and me and said, "but you won't, you're good about saying you will, but you won't because you have a problem asking for help." I managed to stay on both feet without falling over from shock, she was totally right but I don't think that anyone has quite ever had the balls to come right out and say it to me like that. I want people to think I'm tough and I can do it on my own, even when that really might not be what is happening. All this time it took me to realize that people get it and they want to help, and some people aren't just saying it to hear their own voice.
It made me very thankful. Ironically, I asked a question that my friend needed to talk about, so we spent time talking over that. I got in the car to get coffee and I had this stupid smile on my face knowing that something important happened there and that I would ask for help if I needed it because even at my worst, I know I can trust my friend and a few other good friends. I feel lucky and so blessed.
That said, today has been a horrible day healthwise, I have Sjogren's Syndrome which is where your immune system attacks your mucus membranes, it runs along with RA. I'm flaring before I have my next Rituxan infusion. My mouth is dry so my lips are cracked and swollen and so sore, I look like Mush Mouth from Fat Albert...if it keeps up I will be talking like him soon. It can also effect your eyes, nose and lady bits...yup, I look like a strung out Angelina Jolie with a bloody nose that walks funny. If I put anymore liquid in my body I will slosh when I walk. It's been a miserable day and will be until next week.
It's hard to fathom how you can be so up and so down at the same moment. Life truly is a challenge and not for sissies.
I came home from running errands and buying $60 worth of mouthwash and chap stick to a message from my friend. She mentioned how much she had appreciated our talk and our friendship. I was so thrilled that I wasn't the only one who felt like something important had happened there.
So I guess even in the midst of the hell that is my heatlh right now, important things are happening. While I have lost some superficial friendships, those that I have nutured are starting to pay off. I may not have a million friends like I used to but having a few really good ones that I can count on is so much more important.
My ankle surgery just got a little bit easier. Thank you, my friend!